Stranger than fishin'

First blog post of 2014, huzzah!

I  do wish my life was more exciting sometimes & then perhaps I would be compelled to inflict my ramblings on the faceless masses more. Or perhaps I need to stop using this poor thing as my way of venting my spleen. Oh well, gotta get the catharsis where ya can hey?

Well mum has been better, no more cries for help/attention but she's not been completely dry. Still she has a job now, just a part time cleaning job. I wish she would desperately get back into care work or lecturing, but I fear those days are now well behind her. It's a shame as I find it sad her brilliance is being wasted. But silver lining - she is functioning again as a 'normal' person. She got her first payday yesterday & she phoned me about her food shopping. She sounded so proud that SHE had done something for herself. I just hope that she keeps it up & keeps feeling good about herself. Bleh...getting weepy at that last part.

Well living & working in Brighton is alright...ish...The city is cool & there's lots to do/look at. But it's expensive & it's not like I have any friends to fucking do it with. I have a couple of friends from uni here,which is nice. But they're busy proactive sorts so I don't see them very much. I miss my house mates desperately but I know we're all better off without each other. After visiting them earlier in the week it became glaringly obvious to me they are happier that way. Sure we are still friend & we love each other, but perhaps some folk just shouldn't live together.

The other half is infinitely happier than I have seen him in years. I feel so guilty making him so miserable for so long.

Work is ok...I guess. Teaching itself isn't great but I kinda like working with the kids. Well most of them anyway. Maybe some day I would do some kind of social work/counselling for young people. The pay/holidays probably aren't as good but maybe I will eventually stop resenting working. The department are amazing too which really bloody helps.

I have been playing silly little phone games more & more aa a way to distract myself. As such I know have gaming buddies, some of which I would like to actually call friends. Shame they live Stateside really. I talk to them a lot more than I do people irl these days. I'm even sending post because I remember how much I liked having a penfriend as a kid.

In spite of all this my moods keep getting in the way of things. One minute I am high as a kite, Happy as Larry & the next I feel almost catatonic & even using my phone to game/chat is too much effort. Libido & self esteem are pretty low at the minute too. Need to sort out the eating habits as well. I've stopped drinking as much, because my usual Friday ritual was to be blind drunk by 10pm. Going to the doctor on Wednesday. And tbh I am scared. I don't know what to say or expect. I know they promise to be unbiased but they're only human & of course they will be judgemental.

Anyhoo...anyone actually reading this will now be bored to tears. But I feel slightly lighter.